So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
