Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
