Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
