PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
