My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
