I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
