Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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