She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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