I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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