life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
