I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
