I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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