Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
