I bet he comes in French.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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