I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
