its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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