I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
