I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
