So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize