Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
