would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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