You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
