But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
