in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
