My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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