Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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