so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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