this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
