; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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