You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
