Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
