The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
