Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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