god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
