Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
