I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
soo... how was my night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
