he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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