Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize