If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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