ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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