i don't like sucking hair
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize