you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
