i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
