Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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