you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
