Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
