I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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