i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
