my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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