I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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