i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
