If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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