11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
