Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
