Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
