just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
