Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
