well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
