Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize