I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
