I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
