So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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