well I can't set my house on fire every night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
