eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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