you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
