Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
