About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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