she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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