This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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