Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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