Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize