adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
