you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
