Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
