I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
