Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
