Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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