Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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