I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
