2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
