Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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