how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
