She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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