Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
