Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize