i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
