but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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