I am spending my child support on dildos
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
