Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
