i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
