There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
