there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
