Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
