I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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