"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
