If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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