There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i dont even know how to be here
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
