I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
