I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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