I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
