when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
