The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
