it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
